Holding on
by CharlieWise
Summary: Tony's new years morning.


**A/N: In a world where Ziva didn't leave… (Of course I don't own NCIS, just my own creativity) **

The light coming through the curtains was what woke Tony up on the first day of the New Year. He let his mind play back the last year, taking the time to reflect. Everything together it hadn't been a horrible year, but neither had it been a good one. Ziva having lost her father early in the year had been the start of a series of bad moments, hard times and eventually ended in him having to miss her for four months over the summer.

He had been so happy when he saw her in the airplane, she had brought nothing, but she was with him and truth be told that was everything he cared about. The happiness lasted for a while. It wasn't till the end of October that Tony realized everything had gone back to normal, they were back to status quo. Every step they had taken at the beginning of the year, their new us, seemed to have faded.

Sure he still felt like he could share everything with her, but he didn't. The four months, that week together in Israel, Tony had thought it had brought them closer together. It was only returning Tony noticed how far it had brought them apart. Still Tony thought as he turned to lay on his back and stare at the ceiling, he preferred to have her in his life then not at all.

So, considering the year Ziva had, the year the people had that he met on cases, the year that McGee had with his father being sick. Tony couldn't say his year had been horrible. He just wished it had been better.

With that thought Tony got out of bed, happy to note that his anti-hangover mix had worked. He was pretty good with his alcohol and rarely had a hangover. It was just champagne that always gave him the worst hangovers. A small grin spread across his face as he sleepily made his way to the shower.

The first sigh of the New Year, showed up when Tony opened his fridge. Empty besides a pack of butter and a half full container of orange juice. Drinking a glass of orange juice, he figured he might as well go grocery shopping. It was so very rare to get a day off, but since they worked during Christmas, they got the new years off.

The possibilities of 2014 were on Tony's mind as he locked up his apartment behind him. He wandered what would change, what did he want to change? It was a simple question and the answer was rather simple too… his relationship with Ziva. The how was way to complicated to figure out before coffee though.

The front door of his apartment complex closed behind him when he saw her, her coat closely pulled around her. Her posture alarmed Tony a bit, Ziva usually held herself high, walked strong and self-assured. _Maybe it's just the cold._ Tony thought as he called out to her. "Ziva!"

Ziva looked up, and Tony knew it wasn't the cold. The smile she put on wasn't one that he used to see. He knows it, she uses it towards suspects sometimes, when she's trying to bond with him or her, only to make him confess. "Happy New Year!" Ziva says as she stops in front of him.

"Happy New Year!" Tony responds, but looks at her a bit more carefully. "I was just going to get some groceries, you want to join?"

Ziva looked thoughtful for a bit. Probably not expecting the offer, or maybe it was more what he was offering. "Sure."

"Great." Tony said as he started walking towards the small supermarket just around the corner. Ziva fell in pace next to him, but she still looked a bit off.

"Everything okay?" Tony asked, Ziva smiled and nodded. Tony didn't believe it for a second though. "You know you can tell me everything right?"

The calculated look she gave him, only confirmed Tony's musings of this morning. Something that they would have shared so easily at the beginning of last year, was now difficult, maybe even more than before their 'new us'.

"I got a phone call from Schmeil to wish me a happy New Year." Ziva said, and Tony saw a real smile appear on her face. Tony grinned at her and for a moment they both thought back to that eventful night they spent with the three of them. "He's not feeling so well lately. He's going to the doctor to run some tests."

Now Tony understood, he felt anger bubble up inside him. Why couldn't this beautifully strong woman just get a break? He pushed the anger back down and nodded at her. "Are you worried about him?"

Ziva shrugged, only to give herself some extra time to consider telling the truth or not. "A little."

After a comfortable silence Tony dared to push on. "So was that the reason you came by?" The question seemed to made her pause, he saw that she needed some time so Tony just let it go and continued walking.

"It was part of it." Ziva answered and Tony just smiled. Not pushing for the other part.

Instead Tony asked; "Do you want to go to Israel and check up on him?" He knew how important Schmeil was to Ziva.

Ziva shook her head. "No, he promised to phone when he'd gone to the doctor. I'll decide if I know more."

"If it's necessary, I can come with you." Tony said and they both stopped to look at each other. They searched each other's eyes in the hope of understanding what this offer meant.

"That was the other part of it." Ziva answered and Tony looked at her questionably.

"To arrange a travel buddy?" Tony asked jokingly and Ziva laughed.

For the second time she wandered what the best course of action was, tell the truth or not. "No." Ziva answered. "I started 2013 feeling alone." Ziva continued. " I didn't want 2014 to start the same way."

Tony breathed deeply, a smile spreading on his face. His hand moved to take a hold of hers. He was unsure of what to say for a moment, scared to break the spell. "Whatever 2014 will bring, I'll be right here." Tony said squeezing her hand. He couldn't help but think that 2014 would be a hell of a lot better then 2013 when Ziva squeezed his hand back and instead of letting go, as he'd expected, she just held on.


End file.
